Since I post so rarely I guess its time I post about a rare event. In the past few years I've been studying the meanings of life and working on trying to find the most important things therein. Two weeks and a day ago I experienced the beginning of a real life-changing event (I've had a hernia fixed and back surgery but they were easy to get beyond). I had a G-I bleed as the doctors call it. It ended the next day so I didn't go to the doctor. On Monday I started having some pain in my stomach that kept getting worse until I had to go to the doctor. After some blood tests, a CT scan and some various pleasant drugs I felt better but was informed I needed to go to St. George for further poking and prodding. No reason was found for the bleeding and some Zantac and another antacid stopped the pain in my stomach, but the CT scan showed something amiss in my liver. In St George I was subjected to more tests and basically told I could go home, there was no real reason for my GI bleed and the stomach pain. I asked about the suspicious stuff in my liver only to discover it hadn't been looked at. Dr. Wu, whom I really liked because she's very thorough, said she would find the Kanab CT scan to look at. Eventually more tests were ordered and the final test was a Liver Biopsy. At that point I started thinking very seriously about what the rest of my life might be like. Last Tuesday, I went to look at results of the Liver Biopsy. Justin Brinkerhoff is my Doctor though he's really a PA. As I watched him look at the results and try to figure out how to tell me about them I felt a great empathy for him. He had to figure out how to tell me some really bad news that I already knew in some interesting way. A week before in the St George Hospital in the middle of a long night my Father in Heaven had let me know that everything was going to be all right. Not that I would be healed but just that everything would would be all right with some sort of a deadline that is now real.
I've now had a real Life Changing event. The Final Diagnosis was a Metastatic, low-grade neuroendocrine tumor (carcinoid tumor). When I got home I immediately started reading everything on the internet about these words and their meaning. My uneducated conclusion was that I've got somewhere between now and 6-10 years to enjoy life. I've pondered about how my thoughts and actions over the last few years have been guided, and how good people in doing their callings in the church and people that love me (friends and family) have guided my thoughts until I could accept this event with gratitude whatever the outcome. I think my Father in Heaven has been preparing me for this. I don't know what the next few years will bring, but I do know that each day will be very precious and that interactions with people I love will be very special and that interactions with unpleasant people will be sad because I don't know if I'll be able to help them discover that contention, anger, and all those other negative emotions aren't a solution to anything. I'm still Tim Esplin the human being, but my perspective has changed. I now need to bridle the natural man completely. I can't let anything evil, negative or even apathetic spoil my remaining time on this earth.
To those of you I know and don't know - There is meaning and purpose to life. It is positive and beautiful. We are here to be good and help others to discover that, we are here to learn to be faithful and obedient children of our Father in Heaven and in doing that be able to become like Him. There are two types opposition to that. One placed here by a loving Father in Heaven (this earth and its complexities placed into motion for us to gain experience and to learn and grow) and the second put here by Satan, the father of lies, (Pride , Selfishness, Arrogance, and the Idea of self-entitlement or that we deserve something better and we deserve it now). The choice seems simple to me now, the every day application is another matter. I ask for your help and patience.
There's much more to this but I haven't words in my simple mind to express it yet.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
My view of the world for what it's worth
Blog Archive
About Me
- Tim
- I'm a Conservative that loves my family and America in spite of her many many problems
6 comments:
I don't know about 6-10 years. From what I've been able to learn if they can find where it started and keep it from spreading from there to anywhere else, and keep the tumors in your liver from growing/metastasizing you'd probably have a lot longer than that.
But my motto for a long time has been to just take it one day at a time, for what each day is worth. Keep us posted on what you find out on Tues...
Tim... that was beautiful! I have notice a change in you over the last few years, just a kinder, gentler Tim. Still fun and full of life, but just a little better each time I have seen you. I have thought a lot about your example and I want to become better and better like Tim is. : ) I must say I get tired of struggling with the natural man...
But I have been super impressed with you!
Taking one day at a time is like eating an elephant one bite at a time, but when you think of eating and elephant there is an overall end goal stated and in mind, finishing the elephant. Taking one day at a time is great as long as it takes you to your desired end goal, or as near as can be possible.
Dad, lots of love and appreciation to you for all that you have done, do, and will do.
Our prayers are with you, both for the outcome and for that very difficult chore you mentioned of dealing with it each day, and making the most of it. This is indeed a lesson to be learned by all of us, to make each day count and to be greatful for it.
We love you, Tim. We think and pray for you often.
WE LOVE YOU! Anything we can do let us know. You are in our prayers and thoughts. Keep us up to date... one day at a time is all you and everyone else can do.
Post a Comment