Hello All,

Time to express some thoughts that have been bouncing around in my mind for a while. I like face book, it helps me keep up with not so near (distance) friends and relatives. Have you ever looked at the right and left of the comments part of face books home area? There's hardly a thing there that isn't aimed at distracting people from looking at the real world.  Have you ever listened to people talk in a mall or at a resort or a ball game. "March of Honor" posts things about the best of america. Our service men and women. I read her posts every day that I can. She has her priorities straight. She shows a concern for the men and women that are defending freedom and liberty over seas. I feel as she does because of my time in the Army and in the first Gulf War. Until I looked into East Germany and watched the oppression of communism, and spent some time in the gulf watching Sadam Hussain's actions. I hear teenagers moaning about how their life will end if they don't get certain cloths or music or can't make it to the opening night of some movie. Sadly I hear adults that sound very much like these teens. I do it sometimes. I really hate that most people are more concerned with entertainment than the assault on our freedoms that is happening as you read this. There are hero's around us and all over the world. Service men and women, piece officers (notice I didn't say "law enforcement"), firemen and women, those who's live's are dedicated to serving others needs not wants. I'm guilty at times of these same faults. I believe a person needs some humor and relaxation. I just don't think entertainment (the greatest distraction from reality) should be a persons sole goal.

The assault on our freedom is coming from a hundred directions, I'll list a few of them. You can add more.

Politicians that trample the constitution
Anyone that tells you you deserve something
National media that lie for a cause
Organizations that champion a single cause to the point of idiocy
People that are to lazy to study laws that their congressmen are passing (being busy isn't an excuse)
People that think others owe them a living
Officials that stretch their authority
Unions that think people that put a nut on a bolt is skilled labor
Empire building corporations and organizations

I hope this helps you to think. Do your actions daily mean anything? What will someone other than your family think your headstone should say?

More later, maybe even soon. I don't say these things to portray myself as an example of the perfect american. I'm learning, I hope you do to.

I guess I watch to much TV. But whether or not we are aware, the world is the way it is. Sunday a race car driver died in a crash in Las Vegas. Last week Steve Jobs died of cancer and some movie made many millions in its first week.

What do we value the most? In the last week and a half I have listened to many hours of commentary on the deaths of Steve Jobs and the race car driver and many hours of commentary about professional sports and what's happening in the entertainment industry.

I haven't heard more than a brief mention of the service men and women that are giving their lives, temporarily or permanently for the ideal of freedom and liberty. There are many other ways to be involved in good causes besides the military. Donating to or serving in aid activities that help people with basic needs are of great value in a "helping the needy" way.

I don't know much about Steve Jobs' life other than his work with computers. I think that if he wouldn't have done what he did, someone else would have done something kinda similar. In either case, I don't see where his work has been of great benefit to those in the world that don't have enough to eat or who live in oppressed societies. I do believe he has had a great impact on American and world society. I do think that his impact has been mostly economic, and mostly effects people that don't really have immediate needs like hunger, shelter and protection from war or evil government.

When looking at professional sports figures its hard for me to think that there is a great amount of good (idealistic good) that comes from sports. Many professional sports personalities give to many good causes. I think that the vast majority of the money earned in the sports world is earned, spent or used in a selfish way.

When looking at Hollywood and that part of the entertainment world, selfish pride or greed seems to be the overriding priority.

In 2011 there have been 49 US servicemen and women killed. They do what they do for many reasons and for much less money. I served because my father and grandfather did. I wanted to be as good a man as they were. There are a few other reasons also.

When I was growing up "men that fought for freedom" were honored as heroes. I wanted to be a hero to someone. I wanted to be tough. I wanted my life to have value to myself and others. I wonder what will be on my headstone in a few years. I hope someone puts something on there that is true and that has real meaning for people that had real needs. For those that read this, why do you do what you do? What are the motivations that you keep inside?

This boils down to "am I mostly selfish or selfless"?

I welcome all honest, heart felt comment.

Its an interesting world we live in. This morning I was feeling kinda beat up by things. The VA didn't get my prescription shipped so I have to change my appointment, Steve Jobs passed away of the same kind of cancer I have, (mine is mid gut not pancreatic though, but if his billions can't make him live more than 7 years what chance have I got), I found out I've been paying way to much for propane for years, I read the county paper and there were a bunch of letters to the editor about our county commission's recent decision to give themselves a big raise while everyone else around here is struggling to make wage in this difficult economy, I didn't draw out for the Deer Hunt again, and a whole bunch of other small but very irritating things. I felt more put upon as the morning passed.

This post is a venting of emotion and belief. Please read on.

I have a person/account I follow on Facebook called "March of Honor". In the March of Honor's postings there are the names of all American Soldiers that are Killed in Action, and other reminders of the cost of Liberty. The cost of Liberty is high and that burden is so great to those that carry it actively, the service men and women (and their families in a different way). I thought back a few years to when I was flying east to basic training to begin my opportunity to "Defend Liberty". I wish I could do that again. While in the first Gulf War I knew that my efforts and time were spent for a great cause. (I was there to defend Liberty, I'm not saying my government sent me there for a pure, good, purpose). I knew that there was value in my life. I felt alive. Each time I directed my driver to pull our tank up to the next observation or battle position and looked through my tank's sights for enemies of freedom I felt that my life had a great purpose, that burden of Freedom and Liberty was very light and was a joy to carry. I remember landing at Hunter Army Airfield when returning from that first Gulf War. I watched men happily greet their families, my family couldn't be there because plane tickets were to much. I was filled with happiness and sorrow. Happiness because all that men that went over there with me came back home more or less in one piece. Sorrow because I no longer felt an urgent threat and purpose. A great innocence was lost, I missed the rush I got every time I watched tracers moving in my direction, or felt the concussion of tank fire or explosions, or the intense concentration I felt when putting my tank or machine gun sights on an enemy target. I don't believe people that haven't felt that intense life purpose can completely understand. I no longer have a clear magnified target.

I finally understand (symbolically) why the cowboy rides off into the sunset. He does that because it's hard to be confined with people that don't understand his intense love of the open trail ahead. (freedom) When a person goes through all that soldiers do and then wake up in a place where the most important thing to people is a new blouse, car, the newest cell phone or gadget or being around people that live for leisure-pleasure, these attitudes make a big hole in that soldier's soul. It causes real pain.

Worse yet I find myself getting sucked up in trivial things. Shame on me.

I ask everyone of you that read this blog to start thinking about the the value of your life. I ask you to look at your life and evaluate whether or not your life and efforts are worthy of the heavy burden that has been placed upon the backs of service men and women throughout the history of our nation. Please consider making your life count for more than a bank balance, nice cloths, car and house. Please find a way to make the sacrifice of life, the loneliness, and all the other things that these brave men and women have gone through and are still going through, worthwhile. If you recognize a veteran tell them thanks. If you have the means, donate to activities that help veterans feel whole again. Please avoid making any soldier's sacrifice worthless. Please support the cause of liberty. By the way there is only one political party that does this. I ask you to become Libertarian. This isn't a political blog. Screw politics and politicians. Support real Liberty.

Real Liberty has few mantras. For me they are:

1. The United States Constitution and the Bill if Rights. (everything since then is an effort to take rights away) This document is based upon Liberty's principals.

2. My rights can't take yours away, nor can your rights take mine away. (I don't have to take down my flag or cross if it's not on your lawn)

3. No victim, no crime, for example, speeding tickets, who is the victim?

4. People, business, all entities are responsible for their own actions only.

5. You cannot help someone by doing for them what they should do for themselves.

6. If you want something get a job and earn money to get it.

7. Rights come to people from God, anything that takes rights away is evil.

8. You only deserve what you earn.

9. Government is the peoples servant, it's not the other way around.

10. No level of government should exist that doesn't work directly with or for the private sector.

For example a federal level that governs a regional level that governs a state level that governs a county level that tells me I can't drive on that road.

11. Federal-National governments should only ensure national defense and foreign treaties and keep one state from abusing another states citizens.

We shouldn't think of these statements as political, They are the basis of life. They are eternal truths.

12. Tax dollars collect in Utah or any other state shouldn't pay for thing outside the state they are collected in, except for National Defense and a small federal government that protects United States treaty interests.

13. People violating other peoples rights have no rights.

Last but not least

14. No United States Soldier should die in a foreign land unless he is defending Liberty.

One last vent. What real human being really care's who wins a sporting event, people are dying, starving, suffering and being abused by others in so many, ways how can you think the world is over when a sports team or "Hero" looses a game? I repeat GAME. I never want to hear another word of sorrow expressed about some poor souls team or favorite "hero" loosing a GAME!!!!!! If you need a distraction or some relief from life, you won't find it being selfish.

A Spade is a Spade, A game is a game.

A PS vent. It takes real courage to overcome an addiction. It shows greater real courage to never be addicted to something.

Lest they be so rare they're ignored

There's lots to think about lately. Conference was real good. Life is pretty good. Alex and Nicole have a new little one (relatively). We are mostly as healthy and as happy as we let ourselves be. A year and a few months ago when we first heard the C word, I thought that life would be changed forever, and things were quite different for many weeks and months. Of course events like surgery and a life of Dr's, Nurses and tests made life very different and sometimes difficult. Through all this I thought I would have real opportunities to grow in ways and directions that I knew I needed.

Yet as time moved us through these events I began to fear a thing that I was beginning to see, sometimes with great clarity. In the midst of so many different events and new experiences and unique opportunities, I wasn't changing or growing in ways that I thought I should. Now a year older and maybe only a little wiser, I realize that the times and things we live through can be looked at very simply. They are an opportunity to: 1. Keep learning or not. (learning requires hard work). 2. Time goes on minute by minute without exception. 3. Maybe most important of all, we don't change because of external events. Important personal changes come about slowly and only through great and consistent effort.

So what's new? A new grandchild, a realization that people are basically good and if we relate to them in a positive good way we will usually get that back from them, a realization that life is what we make it and that events are not the important things, It's what we do about those events that matters. I wonder what the world would be like if all people could learn to identify themselves not by or because of events in their lives (victims?) but by their desires, actions, and goals, (we are, if we look honestly a conglomerate of mostly good with a few little bad things mixed in).

One thought about personal identity, we need to take a close look at what we identify ourselves to be. What is our personal private PROFILE (a short definition of who we are)? I hope we know ourselves well. Do we like that profile? Is there anything we can do to change it for the better? I'm still trying to decide if I'm being a victim of cancer or a person just reacting the way people do to things like cancer and that in the end I'll come out of this OK. I wish everyone the best in their personal challenges and trials and hope you'll be patient with me in mine.

Yet another rare one

In reading what's going on in all of your (my family members) lives and especially this evening visiting with my wonderful daughter I have a few thoughts I'd like to share. I'm making these like the man's rules list because they are all important (they are all number 1 in importance).

1. Success in life is ultimately how we follow our Savior's plan.

1. The way to happiness is in how full your cup is, not in how empty.

1. Some time we just need to faithfully drive on into the night before we can see the sunrise.

1. Every trial even self inflicted ones are a blessing in an eternal sense.

1. We learn by listening and applying good stuff. hint(make sure you listen to good stuff)

1. If we look for good in bad times we can find it. We have to look with effort sometimes.

1. Everybody has doubts, weaknesses and shortcomings.

1. We have the final freedom about how we react to our trails and successes. (We can wreck both with a poor reaction or make both a success)

1. Sometimes we need to use that freedom to ask for help.

1. No one is a mind reader, we need to be clear, concise, loving, communicators.

1. We can't expect others to solve our problems.

1. Smiles are contagious-so are frowns, growls etc...

1. Our Father will always listen.

1. So will our Mother.

I'll work on another list for in a few days or weeks (maybe months) These aren't all my ideas they are just good ideas and thoughts.

A rare one

Since I post so rarely I guess its time I post about a rare event. In the past few years I've been studying the meanings of life and working on trying to find the most important things therein. Two weeks and a day ago I experienced the beginning of a real life-changing event (I've had a hernia fixed and back surgery but they were easy to get beyond). I had a G-I bleed as the doctors call it. It ended the next day so I didn't go to the doctor. On Monday I started having some pain in my stomach that kept getting worse until I had to go to the doctor. After some blood tests, a CT scan and some various pleasant drugs I felt better but was informed I needed to go to St. George for further poking and prodding. No reason was found for the bleeding and some Zantac and another antacid stopped the pain in my stomach, but the CT scan showed something amiss in my liver. In St George I was subjected to more tests and basically told I could go home, there was no real reason for my GI bleed and the stomach pain. I asked about the suspicious stuff in my liver only to discover it hadn't been looked at. Dr. Wu, whom I really liked because she's very thorough, said she would find the Kanab CT scan to look at. Eventually more tests were ordered and the final test was a Liver Biopsy. At that point I started thinking very seriously about what the rest of my life might be like. Last Tuesday, I went to look at results of the Liver Biopsy. Justin Brinkerhoff is my Doctor though he's really a PA. As I watched him look at the results and try to figure out how to tell me about them I felt a great empathy for him. He had to figure out how to tell me some really bad news that I already knew in some interesting way. A week before in the St George Hospital in the middle of a long night my Father in Heaven had let me know that everything was going to be all right. Not that I would be healed but just that everything would would be all right with some sort of a deadline that is now real.

I've now had a real Life Changing event. The Final Diagnosis was a Metastatic, low-grade neuroendocrine tumor (carcinoid tumor). When I got home I immediately started reading everything on the internet about these words and their meaning. My uneducated conclusion was that I've got somewhere between now and 6-10 years to enjoy life. I've pondered about how my thoughts and actions over the last few years have been guided, and how good people in doing their callings in the church and people that love me (friends and family) have guided my thoughts until I could accept this event with gratitude whatever the outcome. I think my Father in Heaven has been preparing me for this. I don't know what the next few years will bring, but I do know that each day will be very precious and that interactions with people I love will be very special and that interactions with unpleasant people will be sad because I don't know if I'll be able to help them discover that contention, anger, and all those other negative emotions aren't a solution to anything. I'm still Tim Esplin the human being, but my perspective has changed. I now need to bridle the natural man completely. I can't let anything evil, negative or even apathetic spoil my remaining time on this earth.

To those of you I know and don't know - There is meaning and purpose to life. It is positive and beautiful. We are here to be good and help others to discover that, we are here to learn to be faithful and obedient children of our Father in Heaven and in doing that be able to become like Him. There are two types opposition to that. One placed here by a loving Father in Heaven (this earth and its complexities placed into motion for us to gain experience and to learn and grow) and the second put here by Satan, the father of lies, (Pride , Selfishness, Arrogance, and the Idea of self-entitlement or that we deserve something better and we deserve it now). The choice seems simple to me now, the every day application is another matter. I ask for your help and patience.

There's much more to this but I haven't words in my simple mind to express it yet.

The Free Spirit

After several weeks of thinking about several important parts of my life and what I need to change to become the person I want to be, I had a moment of personal discovery. I was trying to answer a question for Jeanette and some things just seemed to fall together as the answer to all my pondering over the past few weeks. The answer came from the sixth verse of the song "A Poor Wayfaring Man" the line that says "but my free spirit cried I will". This line is in response to his friends query, "If I for him would die". WHAT IS MY FREE SPIRIT? A riot of thoughts and ideas followed in a few seconds. I'm still working them out, but the main idea is that the person that is able to free themselves of one main human frailty could actually give their life for a noble cause without doubting. It started as several ideas and I've narrowed this to just one thing that is the root all human problems. SELFISHNESS. Selfishness makes every problem we have worse. I've been trying to think of a problem I have that isn't caused or worsened greatly by selfishness. I'd like challenge any reader of this post to find a problem you have that could not be resolved by being totally unselfish. For this to work you have to believe in God and His Eternal Plan which includes the Atonement of Jesus Christ. If you don't there's no reason but fear to keep you from doing anything you'd like any time. The "Free Spirit" isn't someone that can do anything they want (Drugs, alcohol, no responsibility, no cares, that person will be in bondage to the natural man or woman). The Free Spirit is a person doesn't let selfish personal desire from preventing them from gaining all the good experience in life and personal relationships that is possible. Take a look at your life, looking in this direction showed me plenty of things to work on.